I puked a lego.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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