my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
