why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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