I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
