my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
