She is in my trunk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i now understand why vodka
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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