what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
