my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
