She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
