Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
