he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
