It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
