just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
