I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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