I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
