i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
