i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
