What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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