You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
