ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize