I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
