Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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