My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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