I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
