I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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