I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
