i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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