i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
