booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
