my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
