He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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