Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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