I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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