That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
