i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
