There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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