My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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