If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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