I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
