we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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