I wish I could teleport
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize