just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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