I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
