He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
