Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
