"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
