What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
