According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
