oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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