he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
