Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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