she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
