Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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