I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
