I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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