life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
