don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
