some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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