my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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