Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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