I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
