Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
