And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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