last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
