He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
