Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
