dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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