Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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