worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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