i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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