she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
