I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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