How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
