Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
