well I can't set my house on fire every night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
