you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
