help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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