I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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