As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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