It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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