Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
