So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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