my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
