So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sober January is a disaster.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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