some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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