fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
