Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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