I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
