ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
